ADHD All or Nothing Thinking (And How It Traps You)

Do you suffer from the unfortunate ailment of feeling like everything has to be all or nothing?

 

For me, this looks like:

If I can’t do it, whatever it is, perfectly, I don’t want to do it at all.
If I miss a day, the whole streak is ruined.
If I can’t finish it now, why even start?

 

I’m thinking that this totally sounds familiar to you since you’re reading this.

 

For our brains, this kind of “ADHD all or nothing thinking” shows up in every.single.part of our lives. You’ll find it in routines, productivity, even self-care (hello, self-neglect!). 

 

One misstep can make it feel like the whole thing is a wash. 

 

Next thing you know, you’re 7 hours into dodging something and wondering how you ended up avoiding the thing, again.

 

In this article, we’ll name the ADHD all or nothing trap, look at how it sneaks into daily life, and rewire the way we see “progress.”

 

 

 

What ADHD All Or Nothing Thinking *Actually* Is

As you may have figured out by now, ADHD all or nothing thinking is when your brain says, “Either I do this right, or I don’t do it at all.”

 

Some people call it perfectionism, but this issue plagues us ADHDers, whether we see ourselves as perfectionists or not.

 

It might look like:

• Believing that partial effort is pretty much the same as failure.
• The bone-deep thought that you have to feel ready before you start.
• Getting stuck in a loop that says “if it’s not perfect, it doesn’t count.”
• Avoiding the middle ground because it feels, well, mediocre.

ADHD brains love intensity. Small, baby efforts don’t feel satisfying, but burning out in a blaze of hyperfocus is more appealing because it’s dramatic and exciting.

 

 

 

How ADHD All Or Nothing Thinking Shows Up In Daily Life

One of the worst parts of this type of thinking is that you probably don’t even realize when or if you’re doing it. The feeling of needing to do it *all* can be pretty unrecognizable until you look for it in all areas of your life.

 

Where It Sneaks In (Without You Even Noticing)

 

Routines:

If you take a quick look, do you have any routines that you *actually* stick to? Sure, you may have routines that you do for a couple of days before falling off, but you likely start and stop at the first sign of resistance.

I’ve quit routines that were actually helping because I missed one day.

 

Looks like: “If I can’t do my full (morning/night) routine, I skip all of it and scroll instead.”

 

 

Productivity:

How productive are you? If you’re a productivity queen, good for you! But I suspect that you’re like me, and you struggle with being productive consistently. This tends to happen because of pesky problems like time blindness, perfectionism, and fear of failure.

 

Sounds like: “If I don’t have time to finish the whole thing, I just won’t start.” (A.K.A. “I need a six-hour window to write this two-sentence email.”)

 

 

Self-care:

Ah, self-care. The real kind of self-care is immensely important, truly a non-negotiable. But when you have ADHD, it’s not uncommon for it to end up last on the list of priorities.

 

May look like: “If I can’t do the whole skin-care routine, I won’t even wash my face.” Spoiler: This isn’t true!

 

 

Habits:

Similar to routines, habits can be super hard to keep when you have ADHD. You might do something perfectly a few times and randomly stop. (Ask me how I know.)

 

Tends to be similar to: “One missed day = the streak is dead = start over from scratch = never mind.”

 

 

Plans:

I’ll admit that there have been periods in my life when I literally just didn’t make plans because I didn’t want to fail with them. That’s counterproductive, but true.

 

Sounds like: “If today isn’t the perfect day to start, I’ll wait until Monday. Or next month. Or 2027.”

 

 

 

Why ADHD Brains Do This (And No, It’s Not Laziness)

Firstly, ADHD all or nothing thinking isn’t a character flaw, and it doesn’t mean that you’re doing life wrong. 

 

Many of us ADHDers experience this same thing, and it’s just how tired, overstimulated brains try to cope.

 

A few reasons it happens:

• Dopamine-driven motivation: Big results feel rewarding, and small steps don’t always scratch the motivation itch.
• Low working memory: It’s hard for many of us to remember progress, which makes it easy to feel like we’re “failing.”
• Time blindness: The clock isn’t real, and “later” feels fake, so we think it’s now or never.
• Perfectionism: Self-explanatory, but if we can’t do it right, we pre-fail to avoid the crash.

We aren’t being dramatic when we default to all or nothing thinking. Your nervous system is trying to be helpful and keep things simple. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work.

 

 

 

The Takeaway: A Gentle Reframe (Not A Fix)

The first step to recognizing the ADHD all or nothing trap is knowing that you’re doing it. 

 

Once you recognize that you’re defaulting to perfectionism and inaction, you’ve won half the battle.

 

Life isn’t about doing everything perfectly all the time. In actuality, real life lives in the in-between.

 

Just doing five minutes of effort still counts. Washing one dish is better than none. Starting and stopping isn’t the same as failing or not starting at all.

 

You can literally remind your brain that things don’t have to be all or nothing. Something still counts. 

Next time your all or nothing tendencies show up, you don’t have to fight them.

You can just nod, say “I see you,” and do a little something anyway.