Are you your own worst enemy?
Hi, my name is Roxy, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve broken too many streaks to count.
- I’ve worked out for 30 days straight, only to stop randomly and not pick it up again for *months*.
- I’ve gotten my 10 PM sleep schedule down to a science, only to throw it all away with a Netflix binge (and stay up until 1 AM for multiple nights after).
- It took me *years* to get serious about a job search and even after I did, I didn’t apply to jobs and network the way I should have.
These are just a few examples, but they say the first step in recovery is acknowledging the problem, right? Right?!
Do situations like these sound familiar to you? If so, you may have a habit of standing in your own way.
If you’re putting off a goal you’ve wanted to achieve for years or are scared to take the next important step in your life, self-sabotage may be the sneaky factor holding you back.
Self-sabotage is a pretty persistent behavior that can prevent you from reaching your full potential.
But how can you tell if you’re self-sabotaging, and what can you realistically do to stop it?
In this article, we’ll explore six signs of self-sabotage and provide practical steps to break free from this cycle. Let’s dive in!
What is Self-Sabotage?
Getting in your own way, subversion, or disruption equals self-sabotage and refers to behaviors or thought patterns that hinder your own success or well-being.
Your self-sabotage can show up in many different ways, including:
- Putting things off or not starting at all.
- Not feeling confident in your abilities.
- Feeling like you’ll fail or being scared to.
- Taking actions that will hurt you.
Most of the time, you don’t think about these actions and are driven by subconscious thoughts or fears that we may not be aware of.
One common misconception is that anything that prevents you from finishing things or keeping your word is self-sabotage. This is untrue! Life happens, and sometimes, things just don’t come to fruition despite your best efforts.
For instance, sleeping in instead of going to the gym isn’t inherently self-sabotage. But staying up late until 3 AM when you know you have a 6 AM gym appointment is.
That said, if you repeatedly find yourself in patterns of being on the wagon and falling off or taking action and stopping, you and your self-sabotage may already be frenemies.
The Art of Self-Sabotage: 6 Sneaky Ways You Do It
1. You Ignore Your Inner Critic
The Problem:
Have you ever heard that little voice in your head telling you that you’re ~not good enough~?
That’s your inner critic, and ignoring it can lead to self-sabotage. Your inner critic, AKA your nemesis, can rear its ugly head with things like your self-esteem, professional life, and even your relationships.
This often happens because we often try to hide or suppress insecurities instead of facing them.
Listening to your inner critic without getting it in check can lead to a serious lack of self-confidence and negative self-talk.
The Fix:
To get a handle on your inner critic, it’s crucial to change the (negative) programming in your head.
First, start by acknowledging what your inner critic is saying and challenging it. ~Do you really believe that you’re not good, attractive, or smart enough?~ If you sit and think about the claims that your nagging nemesis is making, chances are, you won’t agree.
Next, see where your inner critic is coming from. Are they based on past experiences or unrealistic expectations? Do you have limiting beliefs that you need to work through? Once you identify the actual cause of the thoughts, you can work on changing those beliefs.
Last, remind yourself of things you’ve done successfully. By thinking of your wins and things you’re proud of, you can begin to tamp down self-doubt.
2. You Procrastinate Instead of Taking Action
The Problem:
If one of your favorite ways to spend your time is to not do things that you “should” be doing, you’re well aware of the self-sabotage method that is procrastination.
This sneaky saboteur keeps you stuck in a cycle of missed opportunities and unfulfilled goals, no matter how much you may want to achieve things.
Procrastination happens because of fear, perfectionism, or overwhelm. It also halts progress in its tracks.
The Fix:
If procrastination is a frequent stumbling block for you, there *are* ways to combat it.
As a start, you can set deadlines and break tasks into teeny-tiny, manageable steps to get the ball rolling. It will make it *ten times* easier to take action.
If you know that you tend to wait until the absolute last few seconds to start a big project, consider breaking it down into tiny pieces and working on it over time instead.
Do you procrastinate due to fear? Try using positive affirmations, journaling, or seeking support from friends or a therapist to counteract your action hesitancy.
Remember, progress is more important than perfection. Taking small steps, no matter how tiny will lead to bigger success in the long run.
3. Fear of Failure Is Holding You Back
The Problem:
Do you find yourself not making progress toward your goals because you feel like you won’t fulfill them?
If you’re like many “self-sabotagers,” the fear of falling flat on your face when you try things may prevent you from starting in the first place and can keep you from reaching your full potential.
No matter how big or small your fear may be, the fear of failure is a *huge* obstruction and can be the difference between going for your dreams or playing it small and staying where you are.
The Fix:
A *major* key to overcoming the fear of failure is recognizing that it’s an unavoidable part of life.
If you embrace that missteps are an opportunity to learn and improve, you’ll start to fear failure less and embrace setbacks as lessons.
Failure can lead to valuable experiences that you may not have learned otherwise and can ultimately contribute to your success.
It’s pretty inevitable that life won’t always go our way and we can soften the blow by practicing self-compassion, especially when things don’t go as planned.
Treat yourself with kindness just as you would treat a bestie who is going through a tough time.
4. Negative Self-Talk and Limiting Beliefs
The Problem:
Similar to your inner critic, having to deal with negative thoughts about yourself on a loop is a recipe for disaster (and self-sabotage).
Your mindset has an incredibly powerful impact on your actions, and negative self-talk and limiting beliefs can completely undermine your self-confidence and hinder your progress.
If you’re used to hearing statements like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never be successful” echoing in your head, then negative self-talk and limiting beliefs may be the culprit for you sabotaging yourself.
These thoughts can stem from past experiences, societal pressures, or even the influence of others.
The Fix:
First, get in the proverbial face of the negativity by questioning the validity. Process what your brain is saying and consider the truthfulness of what’s being said.
Next, replace the buzzkill thoughts with more positive ones. For example, instead of saying, “I’m not good enough,” try saying, “I can do this, and I’m always improving.”
Reframing any negative self-talk into positives can help boost your confidence, reduce anxiety, and motivate you to take action toward your goals.
If it would be too far of a jump to go from super gloomy statements to super positive ones, try at least changing your thought patterns to neutral ones. Instead of “I’m not good enough,” try thinking “I’m okay” as a baby step towards a more positive outlook.
5. Neglecting Self-Care and Well-being
The Problem:
Did you know that when we’re going through a hard time, self-care is often the first thing to go out of the window?
You may also not be shocked to learn that self-sabotage can manifest in neglecting your physical and mental well-being.
Taking care of yourself is pivotal for your overall success and happiness in every area of your life.
That said, neglecting self-care can lead to burnout, decreased productivity, and a bleak overall mood.
The Fix:
No matter what you’re going through, it’s important to prioritize yourself. If you’re not in tip-top shape, it becomes pretty tough to do pretty much anything.
Self-care activities like exercise, healthy eating, quality sleep, and relaxation can make all the difference toward you fulfilling your goals and getting things done.
If you have the bandwidth, make time for rituals that bring you enjoyment and help you recharge. This could include spending time outdoors with nature and animals, practicing mindfulness or meditation, or engaging in hobbies.
Keeping self-care at the forefront of your life will not only improve your well-being but also give you the energy and focus to tackle your goals.
6. Comparison and Social Media Overload
The Problem:
Do you judge yourself against the (seemingly) perfect lives of strangers on social media?
If so, you shouldn’t be surprised when feelings of inadequacy and self-sabotage follow.
Remember, lives on social media aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. The full picture may not be as rosy as you think.
Spending too much time doomscrolling on social media can also lead to procrastination as well as feelings of distraction, and unavoidable comparison.
The Fix:
It’s time to do a full purge! First, do a deep-dive on all the people you follow and deliberately unfollow accounts that make you feel bad about yourself.
Following people online is never worth sacrificing your own self-worth.
Next, limit your time on social media altogether. Instead of spending minutes (or hours) watching other people live their lives, focus on your own journey. Don’t forget to celebrate your small and big wins, no matter how insignificant they may seem.
Remember, comparison is the covert ninja of all things good, so don’t let it sabotage your progress.
The Takeaway
The bright side of recognizing your triggers and behaviors is that you can break loose from this destructive cycle.
By pinpointing signs of self-sabotage and taking proactive steps to address them, you can break free from self-imposed limitations and move closer to your goals.
It doesn’t have to be done all at once, but if you choose to work on a pain point, like acknowledging your inner critic or embracing failure, you’ll be well on your way to getting a handle on your life.
If you remember to keep important things like prioritizing yourself and setting achievable goals you can make huge progress with keeping self-sabotage at bay.
Other actions, like practicing self-compassion and limiting social media comparison, can be the cherry on top of making the obstruction you’re battling will be a thing of the past.
No matter what you’re dealing with, you are capable of achieving anything you put your mind to. And always remember that you deserve to live a fulfilling and successful life!
